Final.

Having the belief that everything happens for a reason really changes your outlook on life when looking at the big picture. I don't feel the need for an explination when something sudden happens, of course if it's something life threatening or involves losing someone I love and care about, it'd be different. But pertaining to all the little things in life that mean so much to me I don't need reassurance that it's real. Having someone in my life that cares about me just as much as I care about them is absolutely mind blowing. This not only includes Jake and my mom, but my sister, family, and few good friends that I have been blessed with. When I think of myself at 17 and 18, I think of how spontaneous I used to be. I still am, but I've put some rules up for myself now. I feel that happens with everyone at a certain time in their life. I have friends well into their mid-twenties that still scare me sometimes with their decisions and thought making process. Another scary thing to me is if I had ended up living in Chicago after all. Not knowing the people that I know today makes me feel sick almost. I've met a lot of people and lost just as many if not more and all of them have made impacts on my life, whether it was negative or positive. Being raised by a single mom has also influenced me and a variety of ways. I now think “what would my mother think?” before I decide something. This can be very unfortunate at times but in the long run I feel that it’s a good thing, almost like having someone watch over me 24/7. And the thing about that is, is that I know she would if she could. Not in the creepy controlling way, but in the sense that she really truly wants what’s best for my sister and I and she expresses that to us each chance that she gets. I also keep that sort of watchful eye on my sister and it’s all because of my upbringing. Having a family that has each others backs and would literally throw some punches to show how important we all are to each other really has a lot to do with the shape that I’m in today. I feel that I’m determined and stubborn, but also shy and true to my roots. There are so many things that have happened in my life that affect how things have played out up until now. My life has been what I almost see as a chain of events, reactions to one thing leading up to another. Meeting people that introduce me to other people, learning to let people in and really understand how I feel. There is constantly so much going on in my head that it can be overwhelming at times, but in the long wrong I know that it’s all for the best and shaping me into the person that I am today and will be in a few years.